I haven't posted on here for a long time...just because I know people really don't read this blog that often and so...I feel as if I don't have a purpose to write. But there have been some changes in my life that I feel are important enough to blog about.
Wow. That was a slightly intense opener...this blog really won't be that intense...really...it won't. These changes just feel really intense for me. Consider, if you will, Change Number One:
(1) I don't think I want to be a director of films anymore. The more I think about it, the less I think that this is right for me. And, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I freakin' need to decide what the hells I am doing with my life! I don't want to be stuck in college forever!
(2) I want to be a teacher. Can I support myself as a single guy for the rest of my life as a teacher? For sure. But...can I support my wife and kids? I have seen beautiful families who have a stay at home mom, while the father teachers, and they seem to do alright.
(3) I'm not sure what type of person I am anymore. Or rather, who I am. People who know me know that I struggle with different issues in my life. I have felt distanced from the Lord for a few months lately. I have been trying to affirm my struggles and I have been trying to say that it's okay and that I will be an exception with God. I have been trying to find a special someone with whom I can relate to on a more physical and intimate level...but to no avail. And then I realized that the reason why I could be so distant from God and Christ is because the path that I want to choose may not be the right one for me to choose. If I could live my life in the way that I want to live it, I would. But would God appreciate that? I don't think so. Would he still love me? Heck yes. Could I receive all the blessings that I can attain in this life? Not really.
(4) Someone special is moving to Provo in about one week; someone I haven't really seen in about 4 years. We were best friends in high school. We even liked each other. She even knows about me and my personal issues. We just decided that it would be best not to date until after the mission. Well...some things happened: I went to a different school and she stayed in Arizona. As fate would have it, this special someone is now coming to BYU this Fall.
(5) I spend too much time doing theatre and not film. Theatre has always been my hobby; the thing that I love to do. I know that I love making movies and I would still love to make movies as a career. But the great Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez said that if you are true budding filmmaker, you need to be making a movie every weekend with your friends. You need to be sacrificing your time and energy to do the things that you truly love and if you are doing that...you will make it. Do I sacrifice my time and energy for film? Ummm....nope. Do I sacrifice my time and energy for the theatre? Ummm...YES! I am realizing that I spend more time doing shows than making movies. I love performing way too much. Do I want to do that as a career? That would be awesome...but I also love teaching. I think I could do both.
So...in a nutshell: I have some big decisions to make. No wonder this is called the decade of decision. Bleh. Grown up life is hard.
3 comments:
Hey now, when you say that people don't read your blog that often, that is not true. I read your blog. And even though I am a bazillion miles away now, I still want to keep in touch so keep blogging.
I think you would be a phenomenal teacher. What would you want to teach? I could see you doing well with little kids AND with high schoolers.
Love and hugs from across the miles.
Dear Andy:
You are learning great truths of life. Sacrifice is a principal of happiness. Family is more important than self.
I read your blog as often as you update it. I like checking in to see how things are going for you. I was so happy the day I found my old friend on his sister's blog. lol
yeas this age is not easy and all the desisions you make right now can affect your whole future. You can do it Andy, I know you can. You can be any thing you set your mind to Andy. A teacher, an actor, a director, anything. I think you would make a wonderful teacher. If you ever need someone to talk to I am always here.
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